Pennsylvania

She's One in a Million

Through years of relentless searching, monies paid to attorneys, Search Angels, The State of Pennsylvania, prayers, tears and a debate in my head about whether I should march in to the adoption agency and grab the social workers file that has my birth sisters name in it or not...I'm resorting to pleading. I plead and beg of you to share this post in an effort to allow my birth sister to come to the Pennsylvania screening on January 26th.

There are only 12 million people for me to weed through in the state of Pennsylvania. I think it's safe to assume that my birth sister is African-American, so that whittles it down some. 11% of Pennsylvania's population is of African-American, which translates to roughly a million people (1,416,752 to be exact). Whether one million African-American people show up to the screening, or 5 people show up, know that I will be scanning the crowd looking for my birth sister in each of those faces. What will I be looking for exactly? I don't really know. An almost 30 year old woman with my same bright skin tone (DOB; January 19, 1984 - happy bday birth sis!)? A tall gal with an afro and an athletic build? A girl with a weave in a wheelchair or hearing aids like me? Maybe we look nothing alike. Maybe our eyes will lock instantly and we both will just know? My nervous energy mounts with every passing day as I begin to imagine that moment when we both feel an instant connection, both of us instinctively knowing each other and connecting on a level that only two birth-sisters, both adopted, can understand. This feeble hope of a sense of belonging is clearly a pipe dream. My imaginative description of how my birth sister and I meet is highly unlikely, but at this juncture - I don't have much else to cling to with regards to this faceless, nameless woman with whom I share so much. What's so wrong with dreaming?

Perhaps you can help spread the word about the screening in the hopes that it reaches her?! I'll be at

Swarthmore College on January 27th

. Come one, come one million, either way, my curiosity will be strong, and my heart open and ready.

Playing detective is kinda fun - - until I realize how many years of my life have been devoted to this unpaid, emotionally exhausting game. This 'game' I'm playing is similar to the never-ending card game, War. One minute I have a full stack of cards, the next minute I'm down to one card, and back and forth it goes. I'm prepared for my hopes to be dashed as she will likely not be at the showing, however I continue to dream.  I've worked myself up into a frenzy before, years of sleuthing and only a sliver of a chance of success - and through toil and tribulation, succeeded! Why not try again? After all, it's only my emotions that are being hung up in the balance - oh, and the rest of my adoptive family and my (and her) birth family who are curious about her, too.

Birth-Sis, if you're reading this - know that my sole motivation is to meet you and say 'hi.' I come with my arms wide open, and my heart and mind able to comprehend pain and loss. I've successfully tiptoed my way around this delicate exchange before - I have experience in the potential awkwardness of this moment. I promise to respect your wishes and will allow you to dictate the speed and pacing of our relationship. If you're reading this, know that I have cared about you since I first learned about you.

Jane Doe

Listen to the mustn'ts child,

listen to the don'ts -

listen to the shouldn'ts,

the impossibles,

the wont's -

listen to the never haves,

then listen close to me.

Anything can happen child.

ANYTHING can be.

- Shel Silverstein

I am searching for my birth sister, and I KNOW I can find her, even though I don't know her name or the name  of her adoptive parents, or the city she lives in. I know her birthdate and possibly the state she lives in- and I'm running with that! I love that I now have an even bigger support group as my new birth-family also wants to find her!! So, with all of us banding together, I really believe that we will and can do it. I can't wait to meet her.

So far, I have been entered into the drawing for Season 2 of the show "Searching For..." on the OWN Network, I have searched on my own, and have used a confidential intermediary. I also have joined a host of mutual consent directories, like International Soundex Reunion Registry (ISRR) and the Adoption.com Reunion Registry. All to no avail. The main struggle with the directories is that I have to hope and pray that my birth sister has also joined the same registries, and has inputed similar information. Kind of a long shot. I suppose, I could inquire about a Private Investigators or a Search Angel, but both of those options seem to reliant upon others. I am worried that someone else may not search with the vehemence and passion that I have, thus I revert to simply conducting the searches myself.

While Search Angels can be very helpful they are not professional intermediaries and would never contact anyone on my behalf. They are basically your eyes on the ground in a specific geographical area, I am tempted to hire someone in the state of Pennsylvania (where I believe she lives), but feel frustrated that I am unable to narrow down the location more.

All I know for sure, is that I will not let the odds scare me from trying!