Busting Through the Bars of Depression: Deborah's new chapter!

Inside her tummy, I heard her voice, I tasted what she ate, I ingested her cigarette smoke and became intimately familiar with her deep, gunky cough. This was the beginning of our attachment, our love and bond to each other. Little did I know, I'd soon begin a26-year long game of hide-and-seek.   

My birthmom has asthma and smokes a lot, which has turned her voice deep and raspy. Her lungs often revolt daily - working hard to cough up the gunk. Her rotted teeth reveal the depth of poverty and lead directly into her already deep well of shame. When we met, her head hung with shame. Years of weightless thoughts built up inside of her leading to a deep depression. Her depression lifted a bit after our reunion, which is a testament to the power of our attachment. 

Her lifetime of complexity meanders in to all facets of her being. Including her voice. Her beautiful, deep, resonant and powerful voice. It bellows with force and influence in a way that I have heard only from those who have lived through such poverty while holding tight to their faith, like a tongue on a frozen pipe. 

Deborah has stated her desire to join the workforce since our reunion. Longing to contribute to society through steady employment, she has worked very hard to make this a reality. Her mind may have been shackled, but her dreams weren't.  I'm thrilled that Deborah has begun a new job where others will be able to experience her beauty, complexity and kindness. My thoughts are with her as she embarks on this exciting new chapter, which will allow for even more growth and healing.  


**I know you’re reading this, Deborah...Thank you for allowing me to continue to process my feelings about adoption on this public forum. I hope you can feel my excitement for you all the way across the country.
— -Angela