The Adopted Life

Strengthening the adoption community by empowering adoptee voices

Affirmation

Hello, my name is Debra J., I need to do something that needed to have been done for a long time. I'd like to acknowledge my birthdaughter Mrs. Angela Tucker of Washington state. While this is excellent news for me, I do understand that there are those who have there own opinions of me, the adoption of my daughter was not done to hurt anyone, in my family or otherwise, but most of all it hurt me. That being said, your opinion of me is just that. Yours. There. I want to thank Angelas parents and her entire family for what have done for her as well as for me personally, now this young lady is beautiful with a beautiful family, so I say Thank U All from the bottom of my heart for everything and GOD BLESS U ALL.

She answered the phone, and asked "How are you doing?"

I replied "Good, but super nervous!"

"You don't have anything to be nervous about! I'm a human just like you. I put my clothes on this morning, just like you..."

This was the start of the first conversation I've ever had with my birth mother. And, yes, perhaps she was right, that I shouldn't have been nervous. However the extra piece that you may not understand, Deborah, is that when I have 25 years to fantasize about who you are, you become different, than "just like us." You become more than "just a human."  All I've had to guide me towards what kind of person you are, and what could've possibly led you to these circumstances, were a measly three sheets of paper with vague information given to us by the adoption agency. Well, I took that small amount of information and expanded upon it.

Deborah, over the years you have been so many things to me. You were a super hero, you were a fashion icon, you were a sports star, you were jamaican, you were african, you were anything my mind wanted to believe that particular day. Oh, how my mind has wandered! If I were playing basketball, and had a particularly good game, I could have rationalized that as being in my genes, "my birth mom was a three point champion." If I played a song on the piano at a recital, I may have said "my birth mom was a musician..." These sorts of ideas have been in my mind all of these years.

So, when the moment came yesterday to call you, I was nervous because I didn't know who I was talking to, yet I knew you so well. Such a juxtaposition! How can a mind comprehend?

That hour long conversation is one I will never forget. I won't ever forget how long it took me to dial your number, or how fast my heart was racing when you answered. I appreciate your apology, and your respect that you have expressed towards my parents and family. It means a lot to me, and I hope that from this day forward our relationship will be drama free, and that everyone involved can understand that you did not mean to hurt anyone with your actions, and your choices. I certainly understand that.

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